


Attack of the Paintball Boys!

by allonsyidjits



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Multi, Paintballing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 16:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3536111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsyidjits/pseuds/allonsyidjits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun isn't thinking clearly when he sprints into no-man's land.</p><p>“TAKE ME! I’M HERE, BITCHES! AND I’M NOT AFRAID!” He has his massive gun pointed towards the vast, empty blue sky in his outstretched arms. He looks like a war-mongering version of Jesus covered in paint. </p><p>But his face shifts and his eyes narrow into dark, threatening slits as he positions his weapon in his lanky arms and aims to kill.</p><p>Then, it’s all chaos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attack of the Paintball Boys!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inralphlauren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inralphlauren/gifts).



> Please wait till Round Four for things to get really gay.
> 
> P.S. I am upset I wasn't able to write all the members into this, but juggling more than ten characters is just impossible. I'm so sorry :(

“So, you’re telling me there’s nothing?”   
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Absolutely nothing?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Literally nothing? Zilch? Zero? Nothing?!”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“I don’t understand.”  
  
“Listen, Mr Jungsoo, we sincerely apologize for calling you all here this morning, but there is _no dance practice_ ,” the short and assertive SM employee gives Super Junior’s leader a hard and steely gaze.  
  
He smiles back dumbly.  
  
“That can’t be. This must be a mistake. Are you telling me there are no schedules for today? For _any_ of us?” The unmistakable sound of terror is engulfed in the leader’s voice.  
  
“Precisely! The choreography isn’t ready yet, and since we got to know on such short notice, you get the day off,” she beams at him and he cannot seem to comprehend why she would look so joyous over such an impending catastrophe.  
  
“Could you... find something for us to do? A variety show? Radio show? Something? Anything? _Please?_ ” Leeteuk sounds out desperately. He feels his eyes growing wide at the prospect of the next twelve hours.  
  
“Why don’t you just go home? Relax, maybe? Sheesh, most people get excited over a surprise holiday.”  
  
“No, you don’t underst—” to Leeteuk’s horror she is no longer listening to him, but to someone far more important on her cellphone. So he swivels around on his feet to go to the dance practice room and break the good news to his patiently waiting dongsaengs.  
  
The sweet, innocent, angelic dongsaengs. The ones he needs to babysit for the remainder of the day.  
  
As Leeteuk trudges onward, he can physically feel the blankness of the day, and the emptiness in his mind. It’s a complete void; he hates situations like this because they feel so unnatural and out of his control. No schedules. When was the last time they had no schedules? He feels something horrible accumulate in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“Teukie-hyung!” he hears a familiar voice and a familiar hand coming up to his face begging for a high five.  
  
“Not now, Jinki. Severe crisis situation,” and the brooding hyung walks past a bewildered Onew, now motionless with his open palm still in the air.  
  
The leader pushes out a deep sigh as he plants his feet in front of the wooden door that separates him and his responsibilities. He mentally lets out a _fuck it_ and clamps his hand on the handle, faking a false sense of bravado and readiness for all the disasters that are to come his way...  
  
*****  
  
Well, the disasters have begun without him.  
  
The biggest and loudest one is near the center of the mirrored room in the form of Kyuhyun and Hyukjae wrestling each other on the ground. Kyuhyun is yanking at the older’s hair, whilst the dancer is positioning his leg appropriately and attempting to kick at Kyuhyun’s sensitive parts with his teeth clenched.  
  
“Woo! Kyuhyun-ah fighting!” Ryeowook screams with his fists pumping, a huge smile plastered on his face, as if he is at a children’s carnival.  
  
“FUCK off. Hyukkie has got this. Come the fuck ON!” Yesung yelps as he encircles the fight, intently watching and almost partaking.  
  
Meanwhile, Donghae and Heechul are in one corner of the room, practicing high kicks. Heechul manages one in Leeteuk’s view rather dramatically, provoking the younger to retaliate. As he tries too hard and falls flat on his butt, Heechul erupts into his hyena laugh, and Leeteuk just wants to cry because of how loud and disgusting the screeching becomes in his ears.  
  
Sungmin is sitting on the floor, curiously, and most importantly, _quietly_ swiping at his phone screen like a good kid.  
  
Siwon is inspecting himself in the giant mirror walls. Henry is helping Siwon inspect himself, because apparently the task requires help.  
  
And then Leeteuk notices a face that is out of place even in the havoc of the scenario before him. Is that... Minho?  
  
Minho is sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, situated between Donghae’s antics and the wrestling match. He is simply laughing at the collective scene, with a slightly bemused and horrified expression. Leeteuk can’t help but feel that this is a perfect summary of the catastrophe now ensuing in the SM dance practice room.  
  
None of them have noticed the leader’s presence. Until he screams.  
  
“SHUUUUUT UUUUUPPPP!”  
  
They all turn and freeze: Hyukjae on top of the maknae halts his flying fist mid-air, Donghae looks up from his crawling position, Heechul with a frightening stare and all the rest together extricate themselves from the trance to assemble around their leader. Like a mother duck’s little ducklings.  
  
“Firstly. Where are Kangin and Shindong?”  
  
“MC-ing. How could you forget, Teukie-hyung?” Ryeowook pipes up with a disappointed tone that Leeteuk forces himself to ignore.  
  
“Ah. Yes. Okay. MC-ing. Well, good news for us. We are all... free,” the ultimate hyung says with a heaved sigh of suppressed disbelief.  
  
“Free?” Siwon questions.  
  
“Free,” Leeteuk reiterates.  
  
“Free? What do you mean free?” Hyukjae mock-happily interrogates, as if the concept is something alien and new.  
  
“I mean free! _Free._ You can all go home. Get out of my sight.”  
  
A collective groan reverberates in the room, followed by a jumbled mess of protests from every direction.  
  
“ _Nooooooooo._ ”  
  
“Didn’t we have dance practice?”  
  
“No other schedules?!”  
  
“What do we doooooooo, hyung?”  
  
“DON’T LEAVE ME HERE ON MY OWN, PLEASE,” is the loudest and most desperate, shouted out by a now standing and jumping Donghae, which stupefies everyone into silence once more. Now it is Leeteuk's turn to groan.  
  
“Yah, I knew you idiots would do this to me. Then suggestions, _calmly_ ,” Leeteuk glares at Henry mid sentence because he looks like he is going to interrupt, “what can we do to spend this day of nothingness together?”  
  
The momentary silence is one that gives pause for an eruption to consume it in a millisecond's time. Strangely the noise that breaks the silence is not one of havoc.  
  
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” Sungmin utters quietly whilst simultaneously standing and walking majestically towards the door. “Good luck, hyung, you’ll need it,” he says as he passes by the leader and pats him on his shoulder, flashes a peace sign to his brothers in arms, and dramatically walks out. Silence.  
  
Which is broken by a guffaw of laughter from Donghae’s direction. He laughs for a full ten seconds on his own, unaided, until he’s stopped dead by a curt glance that Heechul icily rewards him with.  
  
“My suggestion,” Hyukjae interrupts, “is that wherever we go we leave Donghae behind. He’s clearly mental.”  
  
Everyone automatically looks in Kyuhyun’s direction and contextualizes how Eunhyuk has essentially asked for his death wish. Sure enough the latter gets a fist to his head from behind, courtesy of the overprotective maknae. Hyukjae can do nothing but shout out a responsive ‘Ow!’  
  
“Were you two having angry sex on the floor right now over _Donghae_?” Leeteuk splutters out in disbelief.  
  
“No,” Kyuhyun speaks surprisingly calmly, “Hyukjae said he could beat me at Mario Kart.”  
  
“No no Kyu, don’t be modest. I can beat you at everything.”  
  
“NO! I AM GAMEGYU!” Kyuhyun loses all his preceding composure in a white hot flash of light and decides to resume the wrestling match. Hyukjae does not fight but merely laughs evilly: his purpose—to get under Kyuhyun’s skin—has been fulfilled.  
  
“YES! YES! YOU NAME IT! ANYTHING, I CAN BEAT YOU,” Hyukjae bellows, “GIRLS, DANCING, SINGING, RAPPING, SPORTS, RACING, MARIO, SEX, PAINTBALLING—”  
  
“Paintballing?” Siwon speaks for the first time and you can practically hear his raised eyebrows.  
  
“You didn’t flinch at ‘sex’ but you’re so appalled at paintballing?” Henry says.  
  
“Oh little Henry, so innocent and pure,” Heechul remarks with a smirk, and under his gaze the Canadian is forced to shudder.  
  
It’s a miracle Leeteuk has not called time-out on this conversation, but that is only because he is too perceptive of the imaginary light bulb that has flashed into existence directly above his head. He knows what to do. He knows how to keep them all occupied today. He can finally have control in this void.  
  
“Kids, mama’s taking you paintballing.”

*****

Leeteuk regrets the decision to take his kids paintballing three separate times during the bus ride. The first instance is when they all unanimously declare Kyuhyun and Hyukjae team leaders, and the two start to bet their future children and homes on the winnings. The second is when Donghae decides it is painfully hilarious to aim and shoot ₩1 coins from the backseat with Leeteuk’s head as his target. The third is when Yesung showcases his turtle’s mating call through systematic yelps, much to everyone’s enjoyment.  
  
By the time they reach the battlefield, Leeteuk’s mind has turned to jelly and he has decided to no longer give a fuck. He’s laughing along with his idiots and realizes that his heart is at a lot more ease than it was before. He finds himself giving in to the sheer madness. He does not even get slightly upset when he finds that Minho has somehow managed to slip into the bus (although he can hazard a guess at Kyuhyun’s and Donghae’s involvements in the act) and is tagging along.  
  
The mood of hilarity deeply sobers as the idols come to face their outfit for the day: disgusting beige overalls that unfortunately do not appropriately cover the outlines of their sensitive areas. Not that they haven’t seen each other’s parts before during pantsing sessions in their dance practices, but because as Hyukjae aptly puts it, "My Choco would never eat something of this disgusting color. And Choco eats everything." It’s the lack of fashion that deeply hurts them, in actuality. But they resign themselves to their fate, mocking each other relentlessly whilst they do so.  
  
Once equipped with appropriate footwear and massive guns, they make their way into the barren battlefield to pick teams. And it must be decided by Rock, Paper, Scissors.  
  
Hyukjae wins the first and picks Siwon. The latter beams with utmost pride.  
  
Kyuhyun gets second dibs. He picks Leeteuk, much to everyone’s shock.  
  
“Kyuhyun is that really you? Not Donghae-hyung?” Ryeowook says with wide open eyes.  
  
“Hae-hyung has never played this before. Besides, I need my true hyung with me. And _why_ would I pick Donghae, anyway?”  
  
“Well because he’s you—”  
  
“Can it, Wookie. You’re killing my vibe,” Hyukjae shouts whilst holding out his right hand as if it is responsible for some magic voodoo. And then it actually is responsible for some magic voodoo because he wins the next two picks: Yesung and Minho.  
  
Minho yelps when Hyukjae picks him; he shares a panicked look with his favorite hyungs, mostly with Kyuhyun whom he is now separated from for sure. Siwon and Hyukjae high-five at the success and grasp Minho’s arms from both sides. The looks they share and give Kyuhyun at that moment, looks of utter triumph and evil contempt, could land both on sex offender wanted lists. Kyuhyun mentally curses because this is not how he planned the team pickings to go, _at all_.  
  
Kyuhyun wins the next and finds solace in picking Henry. Hyukjae gets the choice after that and takes Heechul, leaving the deeply upset pair of Donghae and Ryeowook with Kyuhyun. A very reluctant Kyuhyun.  
  
“I told you I can beat you at everything. I’m even better at picking teams,” Hyukjae guffaws as he eyes a clueless Ryeowook trying to figure out his paintballing gun.  
  
“Yeah, yeah whatever. We’ll see when we destroy you all one by one,” Kyuhyun sneers and then faces his team, “TEAM KYU! ASSEMBLE!”  
  
“Team Kyu? I’m sorry but no,” Ryeowook puts on his best bitch face.  
  
“Wait, why are you the leader? I’m the leader!” Leeteuk squeals as if this is the first time in his life he has been hit with the epiphanic realization.  
  
“I’m the best at paintballing. We all know this and accept this. Besides, it’s my bet with Hyukjae. If we lose today then I’m the one who has to massage his feet after every Super Show for the next six albums.”  
  
“Jeez, you should have just given him your firstborn. This is not worth it,” Donghae says with a pained expression.

"Do you really think... we will have six more albums...?" Ryewook ponders perplexedly.  
  
“Kyu-hyung? What will you get if we win?” Henry interrupts.  
  
“A rap in the next album. And Hyukjae will also sing a rap in which he will declare me Supreme Overlord of All Being.”

"Who knew you were... so bad at placing bets," Now Donghae is perplexed too.  
  
“You’re boring me. _So_ , the team is called TeukAngels.”  
  
“ _What?_ ” Kyuhyun almost shouts in disbelief, and then immediately shrinks when he sees the really scary accusatory expression on Park Jungsoo’s face, “I mean yes, sir, of course. TeukAngels.”

" _THE LONG TEAM_ SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!" Hyukjae shouts dramatically in response.  
  
The other team has already gone into a huddle and is whispering amongst themselves. Kyuhyun gathers his soldiers around him whilst simultaneously eyeing the enemies with the utmost contempt. He is getting that rap part no matter what happens. _This is war_ , he fervently whispers, between Hyukjae and himself.  
  
“Now!” Leeteuk claps to himself, “strategies! Let’s make them.”  
  
“Well, Kyuhyun-hyung is our trump player. We need him protected at all costs,” Henry speaks up earnestly.  
  
“I think to do that, we need to disperse in different directions,” Donghae pseudo-fakes an air of relevance as if he is a pro at paintballing tactics.  
  
“That’s what they will expect, though,” corrects Kyuhyun, “and their genius tactic is probably to assign each person with a specific one of us to mark so I’m thinking, we should stick in pairs and protect one another. Especially since we have,” he clears his throat, “newcomers who have never done this before.”  
  
Leeteuk, Kyuhyun and Henry immediately turn to look at the pair of Donghae and Ryeowook, who shrink with embarrassment under their gazes. Donghae recuperates and sticks his tongue out at the maknae.  
  
“Wait, genius. We are five people,” Ryeowook retorts.  
  
“Yeah, I was thinking Teukie-hyung could go on his own.”  
  
But before Teukie-hyung can scream in horror and stop the madness, Henry has grabbed Donghae’s arm and Kyuhyun has gravitated towards Ryeowook. Kyuhyun decides to pull his horrible puppy face and look into Leeteuk’s eyes, telepathically convincing him to just accept his fate as the lone leader soldier of his mini-pack.  
  
“I hate you vile people,” Leeteuk curtly whispers.  
  
Kyuhyun ignores, and preps his team, mostly the clueless newcomers, on how to play paintballing Super Junior style. He notices Ryeowook looking particularly troubled and staring off at something in the distance. He turns around to catch a smirking Yesung threateningly glaring down Ryeowook, motioning his fingers close to his eyes and pointing back evilly. He menancingly mouths, _I’m coming for you, fool_.  
  
The mind games have begun.  
  
*****  
  
**PAINTBALL RULES: SUPER JUNIOR EDITION**  
  
1\. When each round begins, there exists a 30 second 'safe time' space during which no shooting is allowed.  
2\. To kill a player, one must hit them with a paintball anywhere on the body.  
3\. The aim of the game is to kill every player on the opposing team OR to kill the trump player of the opposing team.  
4\. Before each round, both teams must declare their trump player.  
6\. If the trump player of Team A is killed, Team B wins the round immediately.  
7\. If all members of the team have been killed except the trump player, one of the dead players is allowed back into the field merely as protection for the trump.  
8\. War screams allowed and encouraged.  
9\. Ambushes allowed and encouraged.  
  
*****  
  
**Round One:**  
  
Kyuhyun surveys the field with keen eyes. The terrain is hazardous, tumultuous, and inviting. There are boulders and haystacks at every corner; he notices a small hut in the far off distance and his mind is constantly calculating. Bushes, trees, murky grass; crevices and corners and hiding places engulf his vision as he formulates his endless tactics and plans. And in the middle of it all, an empty space—what they call no man’s land. _Indeed_ , he thinks, _this is a battlefield fit only for the bravest soldiers._  
  
He stares directly at his lone enemy. Hyukjae, and he can see in his eyes that the dancer is going through the same thought process. They both look at each other, and Kyuhyun flashes his evil grin. _I will win, hyung_ , he telepathically communicates.  
  
Hyukjae raises an eyebrow and gives a glee smirk. _We’ll see._  
  
“I am the trump,” Kyuhyun articulates quietly, but clearly.  
  
“As am I,” Hyukjae replies.  
  
_**3... 2... 1...**_  
  
The sound of loud feet shuffling and hitting the ground erupts as the ten men run off frantically in different directions. There is absolute chaos as Kyuhyun holds onto Ryeowook and tries not to let the collective panic take over. He attempts to keep track of everyone’s movements, but the screaming and shouting going on in the 30 seconds of safe time is making it impossible to concentrate. He sees Yesung flying over a haystack in the distance on his left, Hyukjae backtracking and running towards the hut and trees whilst Siwon remains at the front lines, crouching behind a bush not so far off. He checks on Team Henry and Donghae who have correctly taken the route on the right, but sees Minho following them. He has no idea where Heechul has silently disappeared.  
  
He motions at Ryeowook to follow him behind a haystack very close by. He is not going to hide like Hyukjae and be a coward. Leeteuk is relatively near as his personal frontline man. He mentally pats himself on the back for guessing the other team’s strategy correctly. They have all split up.  
  
“30 SECONDS ARE OVER! THE BATTLE HAS COMMENCED,” he screams, and thus begins the silence. For five whole seconds, not a single sound is heard on the battlefield. At second number six, he hears the unmistakable sound of a camera click and flash.  
  
“Wookie?! Why are you taking a selca?!”  
  
“Posting it on twitter! Come on, Kyu, let’s take one together!” Ryeowook beams into his front facing camera whilst doing a peace sign. Kyuhyun gawks as he sees his gun on the ground two feet away from him.  
  
“RYEOWOOK!” Kyuhyun yanks the phone out of his hands with angry and shouty whispers, “what are you doing?! Arm yourself! And you’re making so much noise, you’re going to—”  
  
“YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!” Yesung screams as he runs up from behind and shoots Ryeowook square in his back with yellow paint.  
  
“ _NOOOOOOO_ ,” Kyuhyun cries, but he reacts well simultaneously, not giving Yesung enough room to shift his aim and shoot the trump player of TeukAngels. He aims at Yesung and lets out three perfect shots, causing the hyung to collapse on the floor screaming in agony. Yesung and Ryeowook meekly walk out of the battlefield together after just two minutes of playing time.  
  
_Fucking hell_ , Kyuhyun mutters to himself. But hey, at least now they know that Yesung is marking Ryeowook, not that it’s a surprise.  
  
He recuperates himself and tries to sneak a glance at Siwon, who funnily enough is trying to sneak a glance at Kyuhyun at the exact same time. Both shoot and miss each other, and Kyuhyun hears Siwon laugh really loudly after the action.  
  
“I’ll have the last laugh Siwon! At least I’m protecting myself unlike your coward leader,” Kyuhyun screams through clenched teeth.  
  
“Okay, Kyuhyun-ssi. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Siwon’s cool, annoyingly mocking voice echos.  
  
Kyuhyun is dimly proud and surprised because Donghae hasn’t already done something stupid, and Henry has managed to keep him quietly hiding behind a large boulder for this long. But when Kyuhyun narrows his eyes to look at the two more closely, Henry has his palm clamped over the hyung’s mouth who is trying to stifle fits of giggles. Henry catches Kyuhyun staring, and quietly mouths _Siwon_. He removes his hand from Donghae and points at his own chest, _Me. Kill. Siwon._  
  
Kyuhyun gives him a thumbs up and tries to distract the one they are after by poking his head above the haystack. In his peripheral vision he watches Henry and Donghae sneakily move from the boulder to a position where Henry can attempt to target Siwon better, but then everything goes to shit.  
  
They all perk up at a singular menacing gunshot sound, followed by a loud ‘OUCH!’ There is silence for two seconds before the loud, screeching, resounding echo of Heechul’s laughter reverberates around the battlefield, but then the cackling “HAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAA” slowly fades out.  
  
Leeteuk appears out of thin air, into no man’s land. Siwon aims at his leader and shouts “AHA!” before letting out streaks of paintballs and shooting Leeteuk in his chest.  
  
Kyuhyun reacts too late as he runs out of his haystack to save the man who has protected him since his debut. Leeteuk meanwhile is screaming in protest, “WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING YOU IMBECILE I’M ALREADY DEAD?!” but no one can hear him over Siwon’s war screaming. Henry runs out too and kills Siwon just in time before Siwon can realize what has happened and try to harm the trump who has mindlessly walked into danger for the sake of his hyung.  
  
“YOU PRATS! HEECHUL SHOT ME ALREADY! LOOK!” Leeteuk points to the back of his head, and his hair is streaked in orange paint. Siwon can only look dumbly in embarrassment.  
  
Kyuhyun bursts into laughter as he points at Siwon, “Ha! You idiot! Where’s your coward leader now who has no one left to protect him?” He’s doubling over because of how perfectly the idiotic situation has played out in favor of his team.  
  
“KYUHYUN-AH! LOOK OUT!” Kyuhyun stops guffawing; freezes at hearing Donghae’s scream and becomes aware of Minho running up towards him with his gun pointing. But Minho trips and falls face down on the ground before he can become even remotely threatening. So it is a wonder where the colorful pellets of paint come from when they do hit Kyuhyun right in the stomach.  
  
Kyuhyun follows the direction of the attack and finds an open-mouthed Donghae, frozen with his gun in his arms. The same gun that has just killed Kyuhyun.  
  
“DONGHAE? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SHOOT ME?”  
  
“Oh... my god. I- I- didn’t mean to. My hand slipped I—”  
  
The exchange is halted by the appearance of Hyukjae, who rolls out of a nearby bush keeling on the floor in hysterics.  
  
“He- he- shot his own trump!” Hyukjae howls, with tears in his eyes, “and you defend him when I say he’s stupid!”  
  
Siwon carefully drops his gun onto the ground, joins in the laughter, and claps like a seal. Leeteuk starts snickering, and a low toned chuckle is heard from Minho’s direction, who still has his face kissing the cold hard ground. Kyuhyun looks to Henry for solace, but is disappointed when the young Canadian is found biting his lower lip and trying hard to contain himself.  
  
The laughter is so contagious, that even Donghae erupts.  
  
**WINNER: The Long Team**  
  
*****  
  
**Round Two:**  
  
As the _legitimate_ team leader, Kyuhyun promptly takes the Donghae issue into his hands by telling his hyung off and giving him a two-minute lesson on how to shoot with his paintball gun. The two wrestle with each other as they angrily envelop into each other’s arms and hold the older’s gun together. Kyuhyun realizes just how absolutely hopeless Donghae is at that point, because his aim is totally off in alignment and his finger holds the trigger way too tight, so that five pellets go off when it should be just one.  
  
Ryeowook joins the party by pervading the intimate moment.  
  
“Donghae-hyung! I can’t believe you shot Kyuhyun,” he laughs. Donghae giggles back embarrassingly whilst Kyuhyun shoots him a menacing look.  
  
“Hae! Focus! And _don’t_ shoot me this time, for the love of god.” Kyuhyun sneers, but his heart immediately melts when he sees his Donghae change from smiling fool to frown-pouting five year old. So Kyuhyun quickly adds a wry smile to his face to let Donghae know he isn’t actually mad at him, and the older disarms the younger once again by breaking into his own million-dollar grin. Kyuhyun feels a flood of gratitude when he thinks of how he isn’t paired up with the beautiful Donghae, because if that were the case there is no way he would be able to concentrate.  
  
_**3... 2... 1...**_  
  
“SAME TACTICS?” Henry yelps from afar, Donghae trailing him.  
  
“YES!” Kyuhyun screams as he grabs Ryeowook’s arm and takes him towards the hut this time.  
  
But he can tell something is off; the other team is not dispersing like last time. He rubs his eyes and peers twice because he can swear he sees Siwon and Hyukjae walking hand in hand towards a haystack. Not so further off, Yesung and Minho high five and take positions in bushes. Watching Minho with the enemies makes Kyuhyun feel a stab of betrayal in his heart but he forces himself not to think about it too much.  
  
“Couldn’t even make your own tactics without copying mine, Eunhyuk?” Kyuhyun shouts. The only reply he gets is a “Kekekekeke,” noise from the direction of the haystacks.  
  
Once the 30 second safe time is over, he tracks down Henry and Donghae with his eyes and sees them hiding near some trees a little into the distance. Donghae notices Kyuhyun’s stare so he jumps and waves excitedly, completely blowing his cover. Kyuhyun can only sigh and shake his head.

And then a wild Heechul appears behind Donghae whilst the fool is still waving and completely unaware, and Kyuhyun loses his focus in the shock; decides to merely watch on in horror as Henry sticks his leg out and trips Heechul to save the day. Whilst Heechul writhes on the floor screaming curse words and obscenities, Henry and Donghae scram to hide behind separate trees in different directions. A war scream is then heard,  
  
“HEECHUL-AH! I GET MY REVENGE NOW, YOU DOG!” But Leeteuk is too slow as he aims from somewhere out of Kyuhyun’s vision and shoots six pellets. Heechul gets up swiftly and dances around them as they all hit the background trees and create colorful rainbows on the wooden barks. In the manic scenario the eccentric man somehow manages to spot Kyuhyun and Ryewook watching, and he smirks, now with a new purpose.  
  
“Oh hell no,” Kyuhyun mutters as he watches Kim Heechul running towards him like a mad man. Should he face the man and fight? Or run and hide with his partner like Team Henry and Donghae?  
  
The decision is integral; it will shape the way this round turns out. He could take his chances and fight to kill Long Team’s first member, or risk losing completely by being killed in the process. His mind refuses to work logically and he cannot figure out which side has more pros than cons, and yet the dangerous Heechul is getting ever closer...  
  
But then Heechul just... stops. He gets his free hand to finger around in his pocket and takes out his phone to inspect its screen closely, as if checking for cracks. He sees something he likes, and yells out a “FUCK YEAH! FINALLY!” Kyuhyun watches in awe as Heechul stands there and plays with his phone; he can hear him quietly babbling “Fuck yeah baby I’ll finally get the high score on this piece of shit, yes fuck me finally got those endless lives cheats yes bitch Heeshika Man always wins yes,” but then he pauses, chuckles, looks up and declares, “Nice selca, Wookie!” and prances to the left out of Kyuhyun’s vision.  
  
Kyuhyun makes a mental note of later trying to figure out why all his hyungs are such special specimens, as he becomes conscious of a newly self-aware Ryeowook next to him who is checking his phone.  
  
“Oh god, Heechul-hyung replied to my selca... and posted his own too.” Kyuhyun grabs the phone out of his partner’s hands for the second time and views the Twitter feed.  
  
**@Heedictator: @ryeong9 did you forget your make-up today? ㅋㅋㅋ**  
  
The next tweet links to an Instagram post.  
  
**kimheenim: Look at me playing with nature! These trees are great and make me introspective, I usually hate it but today I am in a good mood. There is a hut here I think I will go hide here, don’t tell the others ㅋㅋㅋ! And although I think nature is pretty, I am prettier, even though I have to wear this stupid beige suit for the day #heechulking #heechulalwayswins #teukwilldiebymyhandsagain #siwoniscoming**  
  
The long description resides under a hideous selca of Heechul next to a tree behind the hut.  
  
“Wookie, we have no time for this,” Kyuhyun quietly hands Ryeowook his phone back, “let’s go towards the huts then and try to catch them unawares. If Siwon is going there then Hyukjae must be close. We need to win.”  
  
Kyuhyun is a pro at sneaking. He is aware of Donghae’s and Henry’s positions, so he walks in the area in such a way that they may be able to see his outline, but he makes sure to camouflage himself from the enemies. Ryeowook is right behind him as the two tip toe towards the hut in an attempt to ambush Heechul and the others.  
  
Ryeowook accidentally steps on a large twig, and his foot causes it to snap and make a loud _crack_. Kyuhyun curses, and hears Donghae’s voice in the distance going, “Huh?” followed by Henry screeching, “DONGHAE _NOOOOOOO_!”  
  
Kyuhyun next finds himself face down on the floor after the pain of four rock hard paintballs hits him in the the small of his back. It hurts so fucking much that his life flashes before his eyes and he loses his mind for a few seconds, trying to figure out where he is and why this is happening to him. He can feel the cold stains of paint leaking through his shirt and drizzling down on his butt when he regains his senses and stands to find out who has caused him so much discomfort.  
  
Lee Fucking Donghae.  
  
**WINNER: The Long Team**  
  
*****  
  
**Round Three:**  
  
“Henry is our trump now,” Kyuhyun spits out at Hyukjae, simultaneously clasping onto Donghae’s hand and angrily leading him away into one of the bushes so he doesn’t have to listen to his enemy’s guffaws.  
  
Henry is already waiting there.  
  
“Henry, you know the plan right? Now scram,” Kyuhyun orders as he squats, pulling Donghae down with him.  
  
Henry looks puzzled and unsettled, “are you sure about this, Kyu?” he curiously eyes the interlocked hands of his hyungs, “he can get pretty annoying.” Donghae pokes Henry’s stomach hard with the tip of his gun in retaliation.  
  
“I _know_ ,” Kyuhyun clenches his teeth, “but maybe if I stay next to our princess here he might actually stop shooting me!”   
  
“I said sorry! I thought you were Siwon!”  
  
“ _How_ the _fuck_ does my outline look like Siwon’s to you?!”  
  
“I saw your shadow. It was really... long! God, Kyuhyun you’re being so annoying today.”  
  
“Yeah, okay. I’m going to let you married couple have some privacy,” Henry remarks as he runs off to hide.  
  
**_3... 2... 1..._**  
  
“Donghae. Please. _Please_. Concentrate this time. Need I remind you there are five rounds and if we lose this one then my life is a living hell in servitude of Hyukjae’s disgusting feet?”  
  
“Okay,” Donghae says with force.  
  
“Actually, no. Don’t shoot until I absolutely tell you to, okay? Don’t move. Don’t even breathe.”  
  
Donghae squeezes Kyuhyun’s hand hard, “ _Okay_. Jeez,” he snarls.  
  
Despite the horrendous teamwork, Kyuhyun feels hopeful about this round. He has decided to focus on his own team now instead of trying to track down Long Team’s movements. Besides, this time he has planned to orchestrate an entirely foolproof plan that will shock Hyukjae’s men out of their wits. He literally cannot wait for it all to fall into place as soon as the thirty second safe time is up.  
  
Kyuhyun starts to believe he has well and truly fucked up when ten seconds pass by after safe time and no developments occur. But then there is the noise of shuffling, timid feet, coupled with a soft _thud_ of a large object dropping on the floor. And then,  
  
“Dundundundundundundundundundundundun, oooooooooooooooooh, _1, 2, 3, LET’S GO_!”  
  
Kyuhyun chuckles under his breath as he watches Ryeowook prance in the middle of no man’s land and scream-sing the _“YEEEEEAAAY!”_ from the beginning of _Wonder Boy_. Ryeowook: defenseless, weaponless, shameless, in provocative overalls, lifts his arms up in the air to shake in his iconic dance move and gives the performance of his life of _Wonder Boy_ to no one in particular. Donghae whips out his iPhone to record the incredible scene but Kyuhyun glares.  
  
“Put it away. We promised we wouldn’t take pictures.”  
  
“Yah, Kyu, that's why I’m making a _video_. Duh,” he says with a sly smile, but exits Camera after seeing Kyuhyun’s frightening expression.  
  
Ryeowook gets to the chorus and yet there are no reactions from Team Long, who are doing extremely well by withholding their shots and remaining silent despite the hysterical performance. The whole idea is for the enemies to react and shoot at Ryeowook as Kyuhyun watches so he can scope them out and shoot back whilst they are distracted.  
  
Hyukjae's men do not give in that easily.  
  
Yesung springs out from a haystack and walks up towards Ryeowook. Kyuhyun gets ready with his gun expecting Yesung to attack the dancing maniac, but to his horror, he... joins him.  
  
“OH WONDER BOY, YEAH!” They both sing: Yesung with a knowing smile plastered on his face whilst Ryeowook looks surprised and upset; terrified that the plan may have gone to waste. Yesung breaks into his own dance moves, and Kyuhyun realizes that he has been played. _His play_ has been played by the Lee Hyukjae.  
  
But God gives him a break before he can fume when he, by chance, spots Hyukjae’s annoying, smiling face peeping out and watching the double performance from behind a boulder far off in the distance. A high pitched squeal of delight comes out of Kyuhyun’s mouth, _he has no fucking idea I can see him._  
  
Kyuhyun pulls Donghae close and whispers, “Hae, I need you to stay here. Don’t move. Don’t shoot. I’m going to kill the trump.” Donghae can do nothing but fearfully look into the younger’s cold, lustful eyes and gulp, “Okay,” he whispers back.  
  
The maknae crawls on his hands and knees without any dignity, the thought of Hyukjae’s feet keeping him moving. His senses feel magnified; the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he finds the perfect haystack to hide behind. He can see Hyukjae’s side profile almost perfectly now, and even Siwon behind him, but that does not matter. Both are giggling cluelessly and dumbly, thinking they have the victory. _Ha_ , Kyuhyun thinks.  
  
Kyuhyun carefully aims at Hyukjae’s left buttock.  
  
_Splat!_  
  
**WINNER: TeukAngels**

*****  
  
**Round Four:**  
  
“Umm, Siwon-hyung? I don’t know why I am the only one who’s noticed but, where is Heechul-hyung?” Minho speaks up for the first time.  
  
The other three turn to him and eye him down as if he has just proclaimed himself the Supreme Overlord of the World without any sort of democratic election. But he hasn’t, because that would be so Kyuhyun of him.  
  
“Umm,” Yesung mocks, “who cares?”  
  
“No, Minho has asked a good question,” Hyukjae walks to the SHINee member and puts his arm around his shoulder, “and the answer is that it doesn’t matter. Heechul is our blackhole. The more he stays away, the better.”  
  
“Actually,” Siwon quietly adds, “he’s hiding in the hut. He keeps sending me texts and pictures of himself.”  
  
“What pictures?” Hyukjae’s calm and collected demeanour shatters as he reaches for the device in the tall man’s hands, only for Siwon to swerve away just in time.  
  
“I... can’t. Too X-rated.” Hyukjae’s eyes almost burn lasers into Siwon’s blushing, pink face.  
  
“Whatever,” Hyukjae growls and Siwon can hear the tint of jealously, “everyone go to their positions.”  
  
*****  
  
_**3... 2... 1...**_  
  
“Kyuhyun-aaaaah,” Donghae whines, “Kyuhyun-aaaaaaahhhh,” he yanks at the maknae’s arm to get his attention, “why are you ignoring me?”  
  
“Shh! I’m trying to concentrate,” Kyuhyun hisses, and it makes the older wince.  
  
“You’ve been nothing but rude to me all day, and now you won’t even look at me. I deserve better,” Donghae hotly protests.  
  
“Yeah, and how many times have you shot me this morning?”  
  
Donghae huffs out a sigh, “Why are you being like this? On other days you laugh at that stuff; today you’re all hormonal. I know there’s something else on your mind.”  
  
“No, you’re wrong,” Kyuhyun blurts out way too quickly, and the hyung immediately giggles.  
  
“You look so cute when you’re lying,” Donghae leans in and hastily pecks the maknae on the cheek, leaving his face flushed, then slides away to recline against the tree trunk. He swiftly takes his phone out of his pocket but then his smile fades. “Oh...” he says.  
  
Kyuhyun leans over to inspect.  
  
**siwon1987: Eunhyuk-ssi & I having fun! #paintball**  
  
The caption is plastered under a selca of Siwon looking painfully uncomfortable next to a Hyukjae faking his widest smile. It is clear they are hiding behind a haystack.  
  
“Hyukjae forced Siwon to post this. They both look pissed at each other,” Donghae deduces, and Kyuhyun cannot help but agree.  
  
“You think Heechul had something to do with it?” But Donghae’s attention span has already moved onto the newest Instagram post on his feed.  
  
Leeteuk’s face greets them, and Kyuhyun is forced to commend his leader on finding the perfect sunlight angle for his selca. His face is glowing in an absolutely ravishing manner through the screen.  
  
**special_js1004: Hello my angels, ELF. I am here paintballing too, but my stupid dongsaengs have all left me on my own, so it doesn’t feel like I am partaking. I am relaxing in the beautiful nature and keeping track of the idiots through SNS. I hate them all. I will now try to find Heechul to get my revenge. That fool is probably hiding like a coward and streaming K-dramas on his phone. Oh, what to do...**  
  
Donghae’s phone is hysterically panging at this point due to a multitude of twitter notifications, all among the lines of “Oppa, arent u at paintballing too?” and “did u leave eunhyukkie wid siwon???!”  
  
“Kyu, let’s take a selca too!” Donghae starts, but Kyuhyun rejects him with a singular look. “Why not?! They’re all doing it!”  
  
“Two words: Eunhae. Fangirls,” Kyuhyun dryly says, but before Donghae can retort, his screen flashes to yet another Instagram post as if to rub salt in his wounds.  
  
**yesung1106: Hey ELF!! We love u ^^**  
  
To Kyuhyun’s horror the selca is of Yesung and Ryeowook, embracing each other side by side and beaming, covered in torrents of paint, sitting together outside the battlefield...  
  
“They killed each other, _again?!_ ” Kyuhyun gawks, but Donghae’s not listening.  
  
“See? They’re not even on the same team and they’re taking pictures. Why can’t we?” He pleads.  
  
“Ugh, Hae. You know we can’t. Why are you pushing it?” Kyuhyun promptly stands up and paces away from his hyung, who doesn’t follow.  
  
“Cho Kyuhyun! Stop being so mean to me!” He screams, “turn around and come back right this second!” The maknae continues to walk, “I’m going back to Henry! It was more fun with him anyway!” Donghae sounds all kinds of desperate.  
  
“Fine!” Kyuhyun delightedly screams as he walks away, completely perceptive of the desperate tone.  
  
“Ha! Well, then! _I’M NOT EVEN SORRY THIS TIME_ ,” Donghae yelps, shoots Kyuhyun on the leg, and runs off before Kyuhyun can do anything about it.  
  
*****  
  
**@GaemGyu: Paintballing^^~~ With @ryeong9 and @shfly3424 ~~**  
  
*****  
  
Donghae laughs rather hysterically when he sees Kyuhyun’s twitter update. He knows the younger did it just to spite him and he can clearly see it in Kyuhyun’s face in the picture uploaded. So he retaliates with his own instagram post.  
  
He closes his eyes tight, bares out his pearly whites into a crazy smile and holds up a peace sign.  
  
**leedonghae: Yo Elf !! Im at paintball^^ Soooo much fun looking for Eunhyuk^^**  
  
Donghae posts it from outside the hut, into which he has sent Henry to hide and is inappropriately posting as guard. Without Kyuhyun there is no strategy, so they are just waiting for something to happen.  
  
And it happens in the shape of a Henry shriek and loud thumping noises from inside the hut. Donghae hears multiple shots fired and opens the door in a panic to see Minho splattered with paint on the floor.  
  
“Sheesh, Henry, you only needed to kill me with one,” Minho splutters out.  
  
“Sorry, bro. Gotta protect myself, the trump,” Henry replies modestly and holds out his hand to pick Minho up. Once Minho greets Donghae and dawdles out to join Kyuhyun and his party outside, Henry speaks up:  
  
“They know I was hiding here. We have to go somewhere else. But first...”  
  
“...let's take a selfie?!” Donghae whoops.  
  
“You read me so well, hyung,” Henry smiles and amiably embraces Donghae. He holds up his phone camera as they both pull ridiculous faces: Henry smiles wide and Donghae sticks his tongue out.  
  
**henryl89: Donghae-hyung!!! yeaahh!!!!**  
  
*****  
  
Donghae cannot believe his luck. Henry and him merely separated a few seconds ago and yet he has done it. He has really done it. He can finally prove to his team that he doesn’t suck at this.  
  
He tries to hide behind the tree as quietly and inconspicuously as possible whilst keeping an eye on the scene before him. Siwon and Hyukjae are sitting crouched together with their backs pressed against the wall of the tiny hut. They are speaking to each other in hushed tones, with no idea that Donghae has chanced upon them by sneakily walking behind a line of bushes.  
  
He wants to end this before he gets caught, so he attempts to hold up his gun and aim like Kyuhyun taught him to. He concentrates _hard_ , as hard as he can, straining his dumb mind to go to lengths it has never reached before whilst humming the tune of _SPY_ , but then Hyukjae’s unmistakable words break his focus,  
  
“ _....sex with Heechul?!_ ”  
  
“I’m not having sex with Heechul!” Siwon replies angrily.  
  
“You’re _at least_ having phone sex. He’s practically sending you nudes as we speak!” Hyukjae looks completely crestfallen. Donghae has to restrain his laughter.  
  
Siwon bites his lip, “Well, he loves flirting. But he does it with everyone!”  
  
“Okay, then why doesn’t he send _me_ nudes? Huh? Stop playing with my heart, Siwon.”  
  
“I- fine. I’ll tell him to stop, okay? Please, just smile now.” Siwon pulls Hyukjae in for a quick apologetic hug.  
  
Donghae charges out, in a cacophony of hysterical laughter, and shoots them both.  
  
**WINNER: TeukAngels**  
  
*****  
  
**kimheenim: Ah, look. All the little dongsaengs and the hyungs of Kim Heenim are using SNS now to talk about their paintballing adventures~~ Heechul is such a trend-setter right? I am in hiding so here is an old picture of me with HB. I miss Heebum right now. #heebum #heechultrendsetting #donghaeyoulookdumb #someonetellkyuthattwitterisirrelevant #downloadinstagram #dontfindmeteukie #siwon**  
  
*****  
  
**Round Five:**  
  
“We’re changing our trump,” Hyukjae announces, with a face smeared in red and blue paint, “Our trump is...”  
  
“No!” Kyuhyun interrupts, already knowing what the other is going to say.  
  
Hyukjae gives an evil smirk, “Yes! Our trump is...”  
  
“ _Hoe, don’t do it,_ ” Kyuhyun whispers.  
  
“...Heechul.” Hyukjae beams with a contentment rarely seen on even the most self-actualized secluded monks.  
  
“Oh my god!” Kyuhyun shouts, but his smart-ass brain decides to retaliate, and before he knows it he’s spilled the following sentence:  
  
“We change to Donghae.” 

Donghae’s eyes grow wide with shock, Ryeowook winces with disgust, Leeteuk doubles over into laughter, and Henry, who had been in the middle of drinking water out of his bottle, spits it out and chokes on the already in-taken volume simultaneously.  
  
_**3... 2... 1...**_  
  
“Okay, we know we will never find Heechul, so we need to take everyone else out one by one. All three of you: split up, be smart, make me proud. I’ll protect Donghae,” Kyuhyun barks out orders inspirationally.  
  
“Why am I the trump again?! I don’t want to get hit!” Donghae squeals in his shivering body with terror etched into the lines of his face.  
  
“Shut up! You just won us the round! Besides, you’re the only one besides Heechul who hasn’t even gotten close to getting hit yet. Just keep doing what you’re doing and we will win,” Kyuhyun grabs his hand and leads him away from the commotion, shouting:  
  
“THIS IS IT!”  
  
“YUP! IT’S NOW OR NEVER, KYU,” Hyukjae’s voice shouts back.  
  
“I’M GETTING THOSE RAPS, ANCHOVY!”  
  
“CAN’T WAIT FOR MY FOOT MASSAGES, GUIXIAN!”  
  
The thirty seconds of safe time go by fast as Kyuhyun takes Donghae to the hiding spot he had been planning to use since round one. A really small dented space between a haystack and bush.  
  
“No,” Donghae snarls as soon as he sees it, “I’m still mad at you.”  
  
Kyuhyun completely sags as he looks his hyung in the eyes, “Donghae, please. We can argue later. Just save me from his horrible feet,” and the earnestness in his voice manages to convince Donghae, who slowly shrugs and bounces into the petite gap. Kyuhyun squishes in behind him until both their backs and butts are touching each other.  
  
“Your ass feels huger than normal today,” Donghae comments.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
*****  
  
Henry can see Siwon’s outline clearly, but to his frustration every time he tries to shoot he misses the giant body structure. Siwon attempts to get him back too, but the maknae is too fluid in his movements; he avoids each paint pellet skillfully.  
  
Yesung is chasing Ryeowook. Literally chasing. They are running around the field with each other, laughing and playing tag like children rather than trying to shoot and end the other’s playing time. It seems they gave up on this enemies thing a long time ago.  
  
Leeteuk has also given up in a sense, at least on finding Heechul. He is tracing Hyukjae’s movements for the sake of Kyuhyun as he tip-toes around a few bushes and goes after the thin shadow that is evading him successfully so far. Leeteuk quickens his pace as he hears the sound of running, and soon enough he himself is galloping in his special way after a running anchovy. Hyukjae is running hard and fast whilst he... yodels loudly.

"YODEL-AY-EE, YODEL-AY-EE, YODEL-AY-EE-OOOH!"  
  
Like something out of a James Bond movie, Eunhyuk rotates merely the upper half of his body and shifts his gun whilst he runs so it is pointing at the madly sprinting Leeteuk. His mouth still screams non-sensical yodeling as he pulls the trigger manically.

Park Jungsoo gets hit and falls to the ground.  
  
Henry can only howl in pain as he watches, “LEADER DOWN! LEADER DOWN!” and he thinks to hell with his personal safety and runs towards the fallen man. He kneels down and dramatically whispers, “I am so sorry I couldn’t protect you, leader Park Jungsoo.”  
  
“You must... go on without me, child...” Leeteuk heaves out the words, then stands up of his own accord and walks out of the field.  
  
Henry turns around to see Siwon just a meter away with his gun pointing at the Canadian’s stomach.  
  
“Well, fuck my life,” he laments as Siwon anti-climatically shoots him with a singular purple pellet.  
  
At this moment, Ryeowook and Yesung run into no-man’s land together and halt when they see what has happened. Ryewook’s eyes grow wide at the slow but painful realization that he is Kyuhyun’s only frontline man remaining, so he holds his gun upwards and backtracks quickly.  
  
Siwon and Yesung share a look and lift their guns in perfect unison to aim at the short man; they have poor Wookie surrounded.  
  
“Please don’t kill me! I’m outnumbered! This isn’t fair!” Ryeowook desperately holds out his hands in defeat.  
  
“All is fair in love and war,” Yesung declares.  
  
“W-what?! Yesung, hyung come on! After all we've been through today! Please!”  
  
“Sorry, Wookie, but it must be done. We must make you _PASS, PASS, PASS,_  out of here.”  
  
_Splat!_  
  
*****  
  
Kyuhyun has no idea just how terribly the rest of his team has done, and so the dim luminescent and wishful illusion of optimism he has created within his heart becomes even more criminally earth-shattering when he sees Minho running towards him rather wildly to give him the message,  
  
“Kyu-” he pants, “your whole team is dead. Hyukjae says you should just surrender, and,” he pauses to smile, “I think he’s right.”  
  
“Bullshit!” Kyuhyun sneers, “and when did you become such a traitor? Hmm? Didn’t you text to ask where I was so you could spend some time with me?”  
  
“Yeah, Minho!” Donghae idiotically blows his cover and pops his head out of the hiding place, “aren’t we your favorite hyungs?”  
  
“DONGHAE YOU FOOL!” Kyuhyun shoves his gun into Donghae’s stomach, who chokes in pain.  
  
“Oh my god,” Minho utters slowly as he points his gun at Donghae, “I could end the game right now. _Me_ ,” he can’t seem to believe it.  
  
“OH HELL NO,” Kyuhyun aims back, blocking Minho’s path to protect his hyung. It’s like a terrible showdown scene out of a horrible Western movie where both sides have their weapons pointed at each other, and it’s a game of who will flinch first. Donghae can only watch with a mouth parted open in awe.  
  
Both pull the trigger and splatter each other with colorful paint. They call it a tie and hug out all the betrayals of the day away, wish Donghae good luck, and walk out of the field to watch the mayhem ensue.

 Suddenly, Donghae feels horribly alone.  
  
*****  
  
Donghae knows they are all playing him; he’s practically waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of a bush and yell, “LEE DONGHAE! YOU! HAVE! BEEN! PUNK’D!” but it never happens. Instead he just walks around the outskirts of the battlefield stupidly, without thought. He isn’t even sneaking, just walking in actual plain sight. He cannot find anyone.  
  
“Hyukjae? Siwon? Where are you idiots?” He starts to get scared. Maybe they all actually left him behind and went off to have some lunch. It is at this point that he realizes it is totally worth it to go to the most dangerous part of the battlefield and risk it all: no-man’s land.  
  
He breathes a sigh of relief as he walks towards the unsafe area and sees the rest of TeukAngels obediently sitting at the entrance of the Battlefield. But they do not reciprocate the same relief.  
  
As Donghae edges into the dangerous area slowly, they all furiously shake their heads with wide eyes. Henry is practically jumping, repeatedly crossing his arms mouthing _NO! NO! NO!_ Kyuhyun is ferociously motioning for him to turn back and Ryeowook is waving his hands franctically. Donghae is too slow to understand the message.  
  
Before he knows it, he is surrounded by Siwon, Heechul, Hyukjae, and Yesung at the heart of the battlefield. They have their weapons pointed at the clueless man, who can do nothing but gawk and lament internally at his own stupidity for walking into the most ingenious trap in paintballing history.  
  
“Any last words, fishy?” Hyukjae spits out.  
  
“YES!” A shout is heard from the direction of TeukAngels.  
  
Kyuhyun isn't thinking clearly when he sprints into no-man's land.  
  
“TAKE ME! I’M HERE, BITCHES! AND I’M NOT AFRAID!” He has his massive gun pointed towards the vast, empty blue sky in his outstretched arms. He looks like a war-mongering version of Jesus covered in paint.  
  
But his face shifts and his eyes narrow into dark, threatening slits as he positions his weapon in his lanky arms and aims to kill.  
  
Then, it’s all chaos.  
  
The maknae gets completely wrecked as all four members of Long Team turn to shoot him, and he barely gets a shot back due to the sheer volume of paint and hurt cascading on his body. Donghae forgets about his safety and runs to his maknae, attempting to shoot at the enemies simultaneously and missing every single fucking time. Whilst he dramatically jogs towards Kyuhyun, he gets hit in the process and falls flat on his face. The four shooters whoop with joy at the event and huddle together to celebrate whilst their victims lay on the floor: helpless and groaning in pain.  
  
Legend has it that on that historic day, a wailing noise is heard all around Seoul.  
  
It is the sound of Kyuhyun screaming a bellowing, resounding, ear-shattering “ _NOOOOOOOOOOO_.”  
  
**WINNER: The Long Team**  
  
*****  
  
When Kyuhyun is changing out of his now destroyed beige overalls, Donghae approaches him rather timidly. Kyuhyun sees him in his peripheral vision and pauses, wincing at the pain that even this small jerk movement causes on all the bruises on his body.  
  
“Kyu?” Donghae’s looking down and playing with his hands, standing at less than a feet's distance in front of the younger, but then he tilts his charming face up and stares Kyuhyun in the eyes, “I’m so sorry. You lost because of me,” and Kyuhyun wants to hit him in the face because he looks like he is going to cry.  
  
“Hae! It’s okay! Chill!” Kyuhyun waves it off and goes back to changing, but Donghae holds his line of vision and grabs the younger’s free hand to demand his full attention.  
  
“No. I shot you so many times, even on purpose! I just sucked the whole way through! And now you have to scrub Hyukjae’s feet for years, and I still don’t know what your stupid bet with him was about, because I _know_ it wasn’t just Mario Kart.”  
  
“Yeah, it wasn’t. Hyukjae kept sending me erotic Eunhae fanart and when I told him to stop he refused, then he mocked me when I got upset about it and said it was probably because you were a terrible boyfriend,” Kyuhyun meekly says, “and then he said he was better at Mario Kart.”  
  
Donghae’s mouth opens like a child’s in disbelief, “You got that worked up over... _me_? Oh god, and I’ve been such a dick the whole day. I’m so sor—”  
  
Kyuhyun cuts him off by carefully placing his lips over his hyung’s. He can feel Donghae smile against his mouth as the older leans into the kiss and deepens it with his soft lips. All of the anxieties of the day vanish when Kyuhyun melts into the other's face, grabs Donghae’s waist with his left hand and clasps his hair with his right to pull him in and feel him against his skin completely. Donghae plays with Kyuhyun by parting his lips open to make this a hot open-mouthed affair and slowly sliding his tongue into the younger’s mouth. He chokes and breaks the making out session abruptly when he tastes paint.  
  
They hold each other and giggle for a while.

*****

Leeteuk assembles them all for a group selca and holds his selfie stick in the air like a pro whilst making a peace sign. Henry and Minho sit on the floor together and wave, whilst Yesung and Ryeowook stand on either side of their leader flashing handsome smiles. Siwon is on the left, stuck in the middle of a pouting Heechul and a smiley Hyukjae, looking slightly uncomfortable. Kyuhyun is holding Donghae on the right; blowing a fake cheek-kiss on him whilst the hyung smiles happily.

  
**special_js1004:** **A day full of excitement, anger, betrayal, bruises, paint, teamwork but most importantly love. Yes, I said I hated them all, but that's not true!!^^ Paintballing was a lot of fun. Super Junior fighting!! (And SHINee fighting too, thanks for coming Minho) #groupselca**

*****

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Plot inspired by [this](http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/113431950792/your-otp-goes-to-a-paintball-field-person-a-is-a).
> 
> These are the [beige overalls](http://www.promo-wholesale.com/Upfiles/Prod_q/Contractor-Coverall--34-50-_20090778829.jpg).
> 
> Thank you to Daisy (inralphlauren) for naming this fic because I was completely hopeless.


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